Recently, I observed a behavioural change in someone close to me. It made me think deeply about something: how we perceive ourselves, and how we want others to perceive us, are often two very different things.
A told me she wanted certain people to see her differently — closer to how she feels inside. So she decided to change parts of her behaviour.
Slowly, people began noticing something was different. And naturally, they became confused.
That is when I realised something very clearly: change without dialogue creates distance.
I have always believed in dialogue. Whenever I am unsure, hurt, confused, or facing a problem, I speak. I speak to friends, to my children, to R. And often, while talking, clarity appears. It is as if speaking rearranges the chaos inside the mind.
Dialogue doesn’t just solve problems. It softens them.
From the time my girls were in kindergarten, I have told them: if you have a problem, face it. But facing it does not mean fighting it alone. It means addressing it — often through conversation. In the beginning it was difficult for them, but over time it became a habit. And once something becomes a habit, its power over you changes.
So when A described her situation at work — where major organisational changes were made without consulting lower management — she immediately felt something was wrong.
“We should have been consulted,” she said. “It affects us too.”
Exactly.
That was the heart of it.
When change happens without dialogue, people feel excluded. Not necessarily because they disagree — but because they were not included in the process.
The same applies to personal growth. If we suddenly shift our behaviour without inviting others into our reflection, it can feel unsettling. People relate to us based on patterns they understand. When those patterns change silently, confusion follows.
Growth is important. Evolution is necessary. But dialogue makes change human.
If I ever wanted to change something fundamental about myself, I would first open a conversation. I would say: this is what I am thinking. This is what I am trying to work on. This is why.
Dialogue creates understanding.
Understanding creates support.
And support makes change sustainable.
Perhaps belonging — whether in a family, a workplace, or a community — is not about perfection. It is about dialogue.
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